2011 Year in Review

2011 Year in Review

Let me think. I am pretty sure I started 2011 single, and unless something changes in the 13 ½ hours, will probably being single at the beginning of 2012. This would be pretty insignificant except for the fact that did actually get engaged this year. Like for real engaged, not me just fucking with people for my own entertainment. I have no idea of knowing where I would be if I had stayed engaged, if I would be any better off than I am now. I’d say there’s a good chance of it, that was a pretty good little run I had there. It was fun and comforting when the four of us (her, me and our respective kids) would all be crashed out in my bed like a bunch of Who’s from Whoville. But, like my acting career, MMA career, rapping career, military career and tile laying career, it was destined to be short lived and not very well received. I will say I learned a lot in that very brief chapter in my life. That may have been the only time I was ever ‘all-in’ in a relationship, that is to say I was totally into it. All apologies to any ex’s that read this, but I am sure they are aware, in past relationships I often had one foot out the door, and, if it wasn’t to that extreme, I at least had my eye on it. That is not a knock on any of them, I am a walking, legitimate example of “it’s not you, it’s me”. It’s always me. Commitment issues, intimacy issues, whatever it is, but I’ll find a way to make it not work. So, what I was saying was is that I had went into the engagement without hesitation or reservations, and found out how emotionally exhausting that can be. I got so into it so fast, the smallest little things would hit me like a kick to the gut. (Author’s note: Hit me like a kick?) Like a text message not returned fast enough would make me want to vomit. The mere mention of an ex or off handed remark about a good looking guy would make me want throw a brick through a window. I was all over the map, and it was because I was experiencing these emotions I had been ignoring/suppressing for years. I must have been the neediest little bitch of a boyfriend/fiancé ever.

Anyway, I could go on about that forever. Who cares, change the record.

On to The Bambino. Now, as closely as I can remember, Bambino only made two trips to the hospital in 2011. He had the month long stay that began on February 14th and ended with his tonsils being removed, the second one was in June, when he had diarrhea for like a week. The weird thing is, it was the second visit that actually kicked my ass worse on the emotional tip. It was the day of June Jam, I was all psyched and knew I was going to tear the house down (again), and I got the text from his mom saying she was taking him in. Once again, like getting hit with a kick right in the stomach. My initial thought was, ‘Why can’t my kid just be left the fuck alone? It’s enough already.’ Then, secondly, selfishly, I thought, ‘Why today? Why on the day of the show I have been looking forward to doing for months?’ I was able to go see him before the show, the show went off better than expected, aside from forgetting the words in one song. He stayed in a week that time, getting fluids. But other than that, it is has been maybe the best year so far for the young man. He started spending time away from the house at a day care, which was monumental to me. I realize just how hard it is to sorta let the kid go out into the world. I was nervous, that me or mom wouldn’t be around, worried that these people don’t know him like we do. But it is working out very well. My kid is big and strong and good looking and has an amazing effect on people. Anyone who meets him, it’s like love at first sight. Even people that haven’t met him seem to like him. Even right now, I look over at him, he is lying on my living room floor, with his head under a pillow, looking at a book and giggling has tiny little butt off. Classic Bambino.

On a side note, only just found out recently that the word Bambino is apparently Italian for baby. I had no idea, I just started calling him that one day and it stuck.

Other notes on 2011…

My 3 on 3 basketball team finished in 2nd place in our division, surprising everyone.

I had my first Pro MMA fight in Butte, MT, losing by knockout to Leo Bercier. I gotta say, Leo was a true pro about it, I got a lot of respect for that guy. I would love to tangle with that cat one more time, at least get out of the first round this time. The road trip itself might have been the best one of my adult life, Kenji and my dad made for great company, some of the best and funniest moments of the trip were actually just in Kenji’s van.

Perhaps the scariest and maybe lowest moment of the year came when I decided I could drink with no troubles. I went and got a bottle of the cheapest wine I could find (Beringer, if you are curious). I was really anxious about this going down, and knew I could get away with it, as in to say I could do it and no one would ever know. So, I was in my kitchen, looking at the bottle, and I decided to put it in fate’s hands. I took my little foam basketball, looked towards my Nerf basketball hoop, and said, “If I make a basket in the next three shots, I drink that whole bottle of wine.” So I put up a shot, I sunk the very first one. And, the second, and the third. I figured with that my fate was sealed. I opened the bottle, poured some into a glass, and then stood there for a moment. I lifted the glass to my face, I smelled it, I put it down. My heart was actually racing at this point. I ended up taking the bottle and the glass to the sink and dumping them out. I didn’t drink. A lot was going through my head at that point, what it boiled down to was I have son who needs me at 100% capacity, I have my toughest semester of school yet coming up, I have a job I don’t want to lose, and honestly, I just don’t have the monetary capabilities to cop a drinking habit again. It was a very strange moment for me, because I felt sort of embarrassed that I even allowed myself to get to that point without reaching out to someone to talk or whatever. But, I felt relief that I didn’t allow myself to take that drink. Seriously, I would have been toast. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. There would have been no more Bambino, no more school, no more job. No more me.

New Year’s Resolutions? I don’t have any. I guess one would be trying to stay as close to fight shape as I can, just in case I ever get that call. But other than that, I kinda liked how 2011 turned out over all, I don’t feel like I need to change anything. I have never been one to make any long term plans, so I will continue to let life take me places. Bambino will be there with me, and that’s really all I need to worry about.