From January 21st, 2010

So, tonight, January 21, 2010, I attended my very first college course, some 12 years after graduating from Apache Junction H.S.

I thought the class I was taking was Intro to Theater, but due to an oversight on my part, I actually signed up for History of Cinema. (More on that later.)

I was very excited about going to class, in fact my heart has been jumping all week at the very idea of going to school.

This afternoon before school, I had decided to visit my friend Drew over at Idaho Mountain Touring and check out their cruiser selection. Not finding anything in my price range, I decided to return home and go get my bike and have them fix an issue I was having with my brakes.

After having the brakes somewhat fixed, I went home to grab some things before I ventured off to my first college class. The brakes thing took a little longer than expected, so I was in a bit of hurry.

I took off on the bike, was cruising along at a good clip, but my progress was stopped by a red light at the corner of 9th and Front.

So the light turns green, I get a head of steam and am ready to book it across the street. I put my right foot on the pedal, press down with great and force, and then.....

BAM!

The pedal snaps off. It snaps off. It snaps the fuck off...

My shin bone on the right leg went directly into the sprocket with all the force of the intended pedaling, and my body lunged forward, with nothing unfortunately but my pinky on my left hand breaking my fall. I yell out a mighty 'Ah fuck!!', pull myself and bike off the ground and back up onto the curb. A young lady came running up from behind and says 'Don't worry. I got that car's license plate.' I'm not too sure what she thought she saw, but I sincerely hope she is never my star witness if I am ever on trial for murder.

I lock the bike up, and I head off towards Boise State. I am not 100% sure where my class is exactly. I wouldn't even say I was 50% sure where the class was. Luckily I find it with no problem, but I am still late for having to gimp down the street the last half of my journey with a bloody shin and bloodier pinky.

I walk in as inconspicuously as possible, which I did by walking right in front of the overhead projector. I find a seat, my finger is dripping blood. But I am trying to act like this is not my first college rodeo, so casually pull out a note book and pen from my backpack, albeit with only hand, as the other is below the desk dripping blood onto the floor.

After sitting for 10 minutes or so, I am realizing that this instructor has not mentioned anything about theater. Everything he has mentioned has been about movies. Nothing but movies. So I am thinking that not only was I late for my very first class, I also managed to walk into the wrong one entirely.

I pull out this scrap of paper that I had jotted all the course info on, and as it turns out, I was in the right place after all. Somehow, through completely blind, stinking luck, I managed to sign up for a class that is more my jam than the original.

Anyways, the class was rad, we watch about 18 movie clips, we will be watching whole movies, it is gonna be sweet.

That's all.

Sram Retipuj

(The following poem I wrote way back in 2007, the poem is composed of the titles to every Red Hot Chili Peppers song that had ever came out, with each stanza representing a different album.)

Sram Retipuj

I wanna get up and jump, they wanna buckle me down
A police copter to green heaven to run around
Grand Pappy Du Plenty with a soul to squeeze
You always sing but I wonder why you don't love me
R.H.C.P. inspired me to write this way
True men don't kill coyotes when they're out in L.A.
Mommy, where's Daddy, that's the baby's appeal
Believe when I say I know just how you feel

I'm a jungle man, doing this American Ghost Dance
The Brothers Cup getting freaky styley to sex rap
The black eyed blond who I loved a strange way
Baby just ask if you want me to stay
Lovin' and touchin', playin' Battleship
Nevermind on the radio, a kiss on the lips
Thirty dirty birds congregate on the roof
Catholic school girls rule when they're being aloof
In Hollywood Africa, I'm the Yurtle The Turttle
Pause for a second if you like what hurdled

The skinny sweaty man hiding behind the sun
Learning while I party on your pussy for fun
Me and my friends playin' tag in the back woods
Walkin' on down the road, why not do it backwards
Fight like a brave, commit a funky crime
Organic beat box band, spitting funky rhymes
Been with many girls, it was a love trilogy
Bust more rhymes and steal, yo, what the dilly

Good time boys lookin' for a sexy Mexican maid
Set me on fire, just so I can taste the pain
Many superiors tried to knock me down
I took a subway to Venus to reach a higher ground
My cuz Johnny tried to kick a hole in the sky
Magic Johnson, HIV, tried to make me cry
But I didn't, nobody weird like me
I'm down with stone cold bush above the knees
It's either hip hop, or a punk rock classic
The public's deaf, dumb and blind, don't bother askin'

I could have lied, the righteous and the wicked
Naked in the rain, hiding under the bridge, it's
The funky monks and Apache Rose Peacock
Mellowship Slinky in B Minor, they're red hot
Whatever you have, give it away, power of equality
My lovely man, if you have to ask, is Sir Psycho Sexy
Breaking the girl, tell her to suck my kiss
The greeting song was BloodSugarSexMagik

One hot minute in a coffee shop
My friends and me roll in one big mob
My sense of humor warped like a deep kick to the face
With an ego like a pea, falling into grace
Transcending tearjerkers, shallow be thy game
Time for the walk-about, they took the aeroplane

Road trippin', all around the world
Lookin' for a portal to the parallel universe
I get on top, I'm always right on time
In a velvet glove with a purple stain on the other side
It's easily removed, a savior with a Tide pen
For some reason, I like dirt on my porcelain
Plenty of scar tissue, love the emit remmus
Cali is the species, fornication is the genus

Universally speaking, I could die for you
Don't forget me, that's what I want you to do
At midnight, throw away your television
Lies being spread through cable and satellite dishes
I can't stop getting dosed, my family's fear
It's not a minor thing, the a/c sheds a tear
I'm on Mercury with an imaginary Venice queen
A cabron to inebriated to sing
The zephyr song played so much it made the tape warm
By the way, the garage was the place where the star was born

Hard to concentrate when she looks to me
Cuz I'm ready for the 21st century
If it makes you feel better than tell me, baby
Your desecration smile's enough to torture me
She's only 18 and wants to hump de bump
Come on girl, me and you is like a storm in a tea cup
I creep like a slow cheetah in the wet sand
Area 51, we believe in the death of a martian
She strips my mind, studying the warlocks
Turn it again like a key inside the door lock
We returned to the Stadium Arcadium
To see Charlie Daniels so we could hum to him
She moves me so much, I ran naked through the snow
Especially in Michigan, damn temps so low
She said 'Hey don't go, I wanna run with ya'
We'd lounge at the Animal Bar in Dani California