Sram Retipuj

(The following poem I wrote way back in 2007, the poem is composed of the titles to every Red Hot Chili Peppers song that had ever came out, with each stanza representing a different album.)

Sram Retipuj

I wanna get up and jump, they wanna buckle me down
A police copter to green heaven to run around
Grand Pappy Du Plenty with a soul to squeeze
You always sing but I wonder why you don't love me
R.H.C.P. inspired me to write this way
True men don't kill coyotes when they're out in L.A.
Mommy, where's Daddy, that's the baby's appeal
Believe when I say I know just how you feel

I'm a jungle man, doing this American Ghost Dance
The Brothers Cup getting freaky styley to sex rap
The black eyed blond who I loved a strange way
Baby just ask if you want me to stay
Lovin' and touchin', playin' Battleship
Nevermind on the radio, a kiss on the lips
Thirty dirty birds congregate on the roof
Catholic school girls rule when they're being aloof
In Hollywood Africa, I'm the Yurtle The Turttle
Pause for a second if you like what hurdled

The skinny sweaty man hiding behind the sun
Learning while I party on your pussy for fun
Me and my friends playin' tag in the back woods
Walkin' on down the road, why not do it backwards
Fight like a brave, commit a funky crime
Organic beat box band, spitting funky rhymes
Been with many girls, it was a love trilogy
Bust more rhymes and steal, yo, what the dilly

Good time boys lookin' for a sexy Mexican maid
Set me on fire, just so I can taste the pain
Many superiors tried to knock me down
I took a subway to Venus to reach a higher ground
My cuz Johnny tried to kick a hole in the sky
Magic Johnson, HIV, tried to make me cry
But I didn't, nobody weird like me
I'm down with stone cold bush above the knees
It's either hip hop, or a punk rock classic
The public's deaf, dumb and blind, don't bother askin'

I could have lied, the righteous and the wicked
Naked in the rain, hiding under the bridge, it's
The funky monks and Apache Rose Peacock
Mellowship Slinky in B Minor, they're red hot
Whatever you have, give it away, power of equality
My lovely man, if you have to ask, is Sir Psycho Sexy
Breaking the girl, tell her to suck my kiss
The greeting song was BloodSugarSexMagik

One hot minute in a coffee shop
My friends and me roll in one big mob
My sense of humor warped like a deep kick to the face
With an ego like a pea, falling into grace
Transcending tearjerkers, shallow be thy game
Time for the walk-about, they took the aeroplane

Road trippin', all around the world
Lookin' for a portal to the parallel universe
I get on top, I'm always right on time
In a velvet glove with a purple stain on the other side
It's easily removed, a savior with a Tide pen
For some reason, I like dirt on my porcelain
Plenty of scar tissue, love the emit remmus
Cali is the species, fornication is the genus

Universally speaking, I could die for you
Don't forget me, that's what I want you to do
At midnight, throw away your television
Lies being spread through cable and satellite dishes
I can't stop getting dosed, my family's fear
It's not a minor thing, the a/c sheds a tear
I'm on Mercury with an imaginary Venice queen
A cabron to inebriated to sing
The zephyr song played so much it made the tape warm
By the way, the garage was the place where the star was born

Hard to concentrate when she looks to me
Cuz I'm ready for the 21st century
If it makes you feel better than tell me, baby
Your desecration smile's enough to torture me
She's only 18 and wants to hump de bump
Come on girl, me and you is like a storm in a tea cup
I creep like a slow cheetah in the wet sand
Area 51, we believe in the death of a martian
She strips my mind, studying the warlocks
Turn it again like a key inside the door lock
We returned to the Stadium Arcadium
To see Charlie Daniels so we could hum to him
She moves me so much, I ran naked through the snow
Especially in Michigan, damn temps so low
She said 'Hey don't go, I wanna run with ya'
We'd lounge at the Animal Bar in Dani California

2011 Year in Review

2011 Year in Review

Let me think. I am pretty sure I started 2011 single, and unless something changes in the 13 ½ hours, will probably being single at the beginning of 2012. This would be pretty insignificant except for the fact that did actually get engaged this year. Like for real engaged, not me just fucking with people for my own entertainment. I have no idea of knowing where I would be if I had stayed engaged, if I would be any better off than I am now. I’d say there’s a good chance of it, that was a pretty good little run I had there. It was fun and comforting when the four of us (her, me and our respective kids) would all be crashed out in my bed like a bunch of Who’s from Whoville. But, like my acting career, MMA career, rapping career, military career and tile laying career, it was destined to be short lived and not very well received. I will say I learned a lot in that very brief chapter in my life. That may have been the only time I was ever ‘all-in’ in a relationship, that is to say I was totally into it. All apologies to any ex’s that read this, but I am sure they are aware, in past relationships I often had one foot out the door, and, if it wasn’t to that extreme, I at least had my eye on it. That is not a knock on any of them, I am a walking, legitimate example of “it’s not you, it’s me”. It’s always me. Commitment issues, intimacy issues, whatever it is, but I’ll find a way to make it not work. So, what I was saying was is that I had went into the engagement without hesitation or reservations, and found out how emotionally exhausting that can be. I got so into it so fast, the smallest little things would hit me like a kick to the gut. (Author’s note: Hit me like a kick?) Like a text message not returned fast enough would make me want to vomit. The mere mention of an ex or off handed remark about a good looking guy would make me want throw a brick through a window. I was all over the map, and it was because I was experiencing these emotions I had been ignoring/suppressing for years. I must have been the neediest little bitch of a boyfriend/fiancé ever.

Anyway, I could go on about that forever. Who cares, change the record.

On to The Bambino. Now, as closely as I can remember, Bambino only made two trips to the hospital in 2011. He had the month long stay that began on February 14th and ended with his tonsils being removed, the second one was in June, when he had diarrhea for like a week. The weird thing is, it was the second visit that actually kicked my ass worse on the emotional tip. It was the day of June Jam, I was all psyched and knew I was going to tear the house down (again), and I got the text from his mom saying she was taking him in. Once again, like getting hit with a kick right in the stomach. My initial thought was, ‘Why can’t my kid just be left the fuck alone? It’s enough already.’ Then, secondly, selfishly, I thought, ‘Why today? Why on the day of the show I have been looking forward to doing for months?’ I was able to go see him before the show, the show went off better than expected, aside from forgetting the words in one song. He stayed in a week that time, getting fluids. But other than that, it is has been maybe the best year so far for the young man. He started spending time away from the house at a day care, which was monumental to me. I realize just how hard it is to sorta let the kid go out into the world. I was nervous, that me or mom wouldn’t be around, worried that these people don’t know him like we do. But it is working out very well. My kid is big and strong and good looking and has an amazing effect on people. Anyone who meets him, it’s like love at first sight. Even people that haven’t met him seem to like him. Even right now, I look over at him, he is lying on my living room floor, with his head under a pillow, looking at a book and giggling has tiny little butt off. Classic Bambino.

On a side note, only just found out recently that the word Bambino is apparently Italian for baby. I had no idea, I just started calling him that one day and it stuck.

Other notes on 2011…

My 3 on 3 basketball team finished in 2nd place in our division, surprising everyone.

I had my first Pro MMA fight in Butte, MT, losing by knockout to Leo Bercier. I gotta say, Leo was a true pro about it, I got a lot of respect for that guy. I would love to tangle with that cat one more time, at least get out of the first round this time. The road trip itself might have been the best one of my adult life, Kenji and my dad made for great company, some of the best and funniest moments of the trip were actually just in Kenji’s van.

Perhaps the scariest and maybe lowest moment of the year came when I decided I could drink with no troubles. I went and got a bottle of the cheapest wine I could find (Beringer, if you are curious). I was really anxious about this going down, and knew I could get away with it, as in to say I could do it and no one would ever know. So, I was in my kitchen, looking at the bottle, and I decided to put it in fate’s hands. I took my little foam basketball, looked towards my Nerf basketball hoop, and said, “If I make a basket in the next three shots, I drink that whole bottle of wine.” So I put up a shot, I sunk the very first one. And, the second, and the third. I figured with that my fate was sealed. I opened the bottle, poured some into a glass, and then stood there for a moment. I lifted the glass to my face, I smelled it, I put it down. My heart was actually racing at this point. I ended up taking the bottle and the glass to the sink and dumping them out. I didn’t drink. A lot was going through my head at that point, what it boiled down to was I have son who needs me at 100% capacity, I have my toughest semester of school yet coming up, I have a job I don’t want to lose, and honestly, I just don’t have the monetary capabilities to cop a drinking habit again. It was a very strange moment for me, because I felt sort of embarrassed that I even allowed myself to get to that point without reaching out to someone to talk or whatever. But, I felt relief that I didn’t allow myself to take that drink. Seriously, I would have been toast. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. There would have been no more Bambino, no more school, no more job. No more me.

New Year’s Resolutions? I don’t have any. I guess one would be trying to stay as close to fight shape as I can, just in case I ever get that call. But other than that, I kinda liked how 2011 turned out over all, I don’t feel like I need to change anything. I have never been one to make any long term plans, so I will continue to let life take me places. Bambino will be there with me, and that’s really all I need to worry about.